


come crashing down

by kiyala



Category: The Hobbit (2012)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Durincest, Fingerfucking, Incest, M/M, Partial amnesia, Pining, Pre-Movie, Rimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-06
Updated: 2013-02-06
Packaged: 2017-11-28 10:08:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/673227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiyala/pseuds/kiyala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They say Fili is lucky that he hasn't forgotten anything. Only Kili knows otherwise. Kili, who Fili remembers as a brother, and nothing more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	come crashing down

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Затмение](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2290577) by [Scandia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scandia/pseuds/Scandia)



> Based on an anon prompt I received on tumblr: _Fili loses his memory. He can't remember when him and Kili were lovers, only brothers, and Kili is heart broken. He tries everyday to help Fili remember. You can choose if he does remember eventually or not, just happy ending please!_

Kili is pacing back and forth in front of the fireplace when Fili wakes. Thorin's in there with him, along with Balin, and while Kili can't make out the words, he can hear the deep, comforting rumble of his uncle's voice and it's soothing. As soothing as anything can be right now, with Fili injured and in bed.

He should have been there. Kili knows it's a useless, unrealistic thought to have, but he feels that if he'd been closer Fili, he could have kept him from falling, from hitting his head. If Kili was closer, then perhaps none of this would be happening, with him unable to sit still while he waits for permission to see his brother again.

"Kili," Thorin calls, stopping him in his tracks.

He turns to his uncle, who nods silently at him, motioning for him to come closer.

Kili is tentative as he walks towards the open door. He peers inside, and Fili is sitting up in bed, looking much better than he has for the past couple of days.

"Kili," he greets with a smile. "You don't need to look so afraid."

Kili laughs, barely holding back his tears of relief. He walks into the room and Balin steps out of the way, allowing him to lean over the bed and throw his arms around Fili. They hug each other tightly, and Kili presses kisses into Fili's hair, babbling, not even entirely sure of what he's saying, just that he's so relieved to see his brother finally awake.

"Don't tire him now, laddie," Balin says with a warm smile, his eyes crinkling. "He still needs his rest. Call out if you need us, won't you?"

Kili nods, barely looking away from Fili. Thorin pats his back on the way out, shutting the door behind him.

"Fili." With a quiet sob, Kili rests their foreheads against each other, his eyes shut tightly. Their noses brush against each other, and that's when Kili feels Fili tense. He pulls back, just enough to see the discomfort in Fili's eyes, before pulling back even further.

Fili raises an eyebrow at him, clearly confused. He doesn't pull Kili back to him. He isn't wearing the small grin that Kili has grown so used to, that they only ever share when they're alone together.

Kili thinks back to what he'd overheard from Balin's conversation with Thorin. Hushed words about Fili being hit in the head. About the possibility that he'd forget little details.

"Oh," Kili whispers, and feels his heart sink.

«·»

"Do you remember…" Kili begins, then quickly shuts his mouth.

Fili looks up, frowning slightly. Kili shakes his head, looking away.

"I thought I remembered everything," Fili says quietly. "They feared I would forget things when I hit my head, but I didn't. That's what Balin said."

Balin doesn't know about how close they really are. Nobody does, it seems, except for Kili.

"You're right." Kili turns his attention back to the sword he's sharpening. "He's right. Of course."

"Is there something…?" Fili asks. "A memory I've lost?"

Before Fili hit his head, they were in love with each other, entirely wrapped up in each other, to the point where the outside world barely seemed to exist. They were inseparable and, as far as Kili can remember, this is the longest they've gone without touching for years.

It hurts, but not as bad as the thought that this might just be the way things are from now on.

"No. It's nothing."

«·»

"I can't sleep," Kili says, and it's not a lie.

Fili grunts sleepily, sitting up in bed and then stretching as he yawns. "It's late, Kili."

"I know that," Kili mutters, and he tries to keep the anger out of his tone, he's been trying all this time, but he can tell by the furrow of Fili's brow that he's not entirely successful. "I _know_ it's late."

With a sigh, Fili shuffles over and pulls the blankets open. "The last time you did this, you were twenty."

Kili thinks of all the times they've snuck into each other's beds since then, fumbling hands and messy kisses in the dark, and says nothing. He crawls under the covers and curls up against Fili's side, shutting his eyes.

Sleep still doesn't come. He can tell by Fili's breathing that he's not the only one awake, either.

"I know why you're doing this," Fili murmurs.

Kili opens his eyes, but doesn't move otherwise. "Do you."

"You're still afraid for me," Fili says. "You're afraid I'll get hurt again, that you'll lose me."

Kili doesn't reply. Fili strokes his hair, and the touch makes him shiver.

"You won't lose me," Fili assures him. "Never."

"Let's just sleep," Kili mutters, burying his face in Fili's shoulder and trying not to feel like he's _already_ lost him.

«·»

It's late. The fire crackles quietly before them and Kili tries not to watch as Fili draws from the pipe they're sharing, blowing the smoke out in a long, steady breath.

Their fingers brush as Fili hands him the pipe. Kili can feel the warmth shared between them as they sit with their shoulders against each other. He tries not to think about it. He does his best to ignore all of these thoughts, and tells himself that he has no right to feel so lonely when Fili is right beside him.

"Tell me about that day again," Fili murmurs. "The day I fell."

"You already know everything," Kili replies. "We were out hunting. You didn't see the drop right beside you and you fell, and hit your head. You didn't wake up for two entire days and I was worried out of my mind."

"Start from the beginning of the day," Fili tells him. "From the morning."

That morning, they'd woken up entangled in each other, unwilling to leave bed until they'd made each other come at least once. In all his retellings, Kili has carefully edited out anything that he knows Fili won't remember. The false story comes so easily to him these days that it feels like the truth. For all it matters, it might as well be.

But he falters over it now. He opens his mouth and then sighs heavily. "I don't feel like talking about that day. I don't like thinking about it."

Fili makes a soft, soothing sound, placing his hand on Kili's arm. He tugs gently and then, before Kili knows what's happening, Fili has a hand on his cheek, pulling him into a kiss.

It's a feeling that Kili had never thought he would know again. Kissing Fili is familiar, it's calming, it's just as much a part of Kili as any limb. Their lips are soft against each other, and the braids in Fili's beard tickle Kili's skin.

" _Oh_ ," Fili gasps, panicked, wide-eyed, pulling away. Kili reaches out to stop him without thought, making a broken sound at the back of his throat. Fili looks conflicted for a moment, until his hand returns to Kili's cheek. "No, no, shh. I'm here."

Fili kisses him again. Harder than last time, no longer pulling away, and all Kili can do is kiss back. He clings to this, not knowing if Fili is remembering, or if he's doing this out of some sense of guilt. Kili knows that he isn't half as subtle as he wants to be. He's certain that Fili must have caught some of the lingering looks in his direction. This is probably nothing but guilt, and that only makes everything worse.

Kili pulls back, turning away. Fili strokes his cheek gently, and makes a quiet, concerned sound.

"You're upset," Fili murmurs. He pulls Kili closer, resting their foreheads together. "I'm upsetting you."

"No," Kili lies. "You aren't."

Fili takes the pipe out of Kili's hand and places it on the table. Reaching for a folded blanket nearby, he spreads it over the two of them. Sitting this close to each other, Kili can almost trick himself into believing that nothing has changed between them. He's unsure if he wants to, or if he _should_ , but he rests his head on Fili's shoulder, breathing in his familiar scent, and falls asleep like that.

«·»

They're out hunting. It's not the first time they've been since Fili woke, but this is the first time Thorin and Balin haven't been standing some hundred yards back, keeping watch.

Kili is doing the watching now, unable to keep himself from fearing that Fili might fall again, that this time, he might lose all of his memories. He carries his bow by his side, footsteps quiet, as he follows Fili.

"Do you love me?" Fili asks, and Kili nearly trips over a tree root.

Kili looks up, wide-eyed, but Fili is looking away, frowning in thought.

"I…" Kili clears his throat. "You are my brother. Of course I do."

"You love me as a brother." Fili turns around, giving Kili a curious look. They haven't spoken about the kisses from last night. Kili hadn't known how to bring it up, and he doesn't know what to do if Fili brings it up now. With a sigh, Fili drops his gaze to the ground. "I've been trying to remember, Kili. Balin thinks that my memories have completely returned to me, but I've felt like there's been something missing since I woke."

"I love you more than I love myself," Kili says quietly. "I have for as long as I can remember."

Fili's expression softens at that, before going thoughtful again.

Kili can't bear standing around and fearing what his brother might say next. With a sigh, he leads the way further into the woods. "We'd best keep going if we don't want to go hungry tonight."

Fili follows silently. Kili doesn't look behind him, relying instead on the soft sound of his brother's footsteps to check that he's still there. They don't speak until they're home, preparing the wild boar they've caught. Kili had shot it, and Fili had killed it before they'd tied it up and carried it home together. Standing up, Fili clears his throat.

"There are two beds in our home."

Kili, who is cutting the boar up, pauses and looks up at his brother. "Nobody else knows."

"Do we… _did_ we sleep separately?"

Kili sighs. "No."

Fili nods slowly, rocking back on his heels. "Whose bed did we…"

Dropping his gaze back to the boar, Kili gets back to his preparations. "Yours."

Fili doesn't bring it up again until after they've finished eating. Kili is sitting in front of the fire, staring at it and trying to think of something, _anything_ that doesn't lead back to his brother. Fili approaches him, offering him a pipe.

Kili smiles, moving over to make room for him. Even when he doesn't feel like he can deal with his brother, Fili's presence is still the most welcome thing in the entire world. He takes the pipe, puffing on it as Fili looks into the fire, gathering his thoughts.

"I know that I am hurting you, by not remembering," he says at length. His hands are clasped together and he doesn't look at Kili as he speaks. "And I remember enough to hate myself for causing you pain."

"It's not your fault," Kili says automatically, shaking his head.

"I'm the one hurting you." Fili sounds frustrated. He balls a hand into a fist and presses it to his forehead, exhaling loudly. "I want to remember, Kili. When I kissed you last night, when I _wanted_ to kiss you, I tried to stop myself. I told myself that it was wrong, but that felt like a lie, even as I told it to myself. I didn't know… I didn't think you would want it, but there was something deeper, _stronger_ , that told me that it was the right thing to do. Perhaps the memory is still there, waiting to return."

"I don't want to sit here and cling to the shadow of a hope," Kili tells him quietly. With a brief smile, he reaches for Fili's hand. "We can do better than that. We don't need to wait for your memories to return when we can make new ones instead."

Fili's expression brightens immediately, and Kili's heart immediately feels lighter.

"Yes," Fili whispers, leaning in to press a kiss to Kili's lips. "That sounds good."

«·»

They begin sharing Fili's bed again. They lie beside each other, clothed and not touching, and talk until they fall asleep. They often wake wrapped around each other, but they never go further than kissing. Fili doesn't initiate, so Kili doesn't push. He's perfectly happy with this, waking up with Fili smiling sleepily at him, the bed warm from their shared body heat.

"Nobody knows about us?" Fili murmurs the question into Kili's neck one night as he kisses it.

"Nobody," Kili confirms, breathless at the scrape of Fili's teeth on his skin.

"Our kind only fall in love once," Fili points out, bracing a hand against the bed to hold himself over Kili. "Surely, someday, someone will figure it out…"

Kili lets his head rest back against the bed and sighs. "Thorin often speaks of Erebor. He wants to reclaim it someday."

"Yes, I remember that."

"If he becomes King Under The Mountain…" Kili begins.

"…Then we're princes," Fili finishes. He frowns. "You think Thorin will try and marry us off?"

" _We_ thought," Kili corrects softly.

"Would you?" Fili asks. "Would you marry another? Love another?"

Kili shuts his eyes and sighs. "Never. You… shouldn't have to ask that."

"Well." Fili's thumb strokes over Kili's lips. When Kili opens his eyes again, Fili is smiling. "I wanted to hear you say it."

Kili growls, pulling Fili back down into another kiss, and nips his lower lip in reproach. Fili snickers and only kisses him harder. For a fleeting moment, it feels like having Fili completely back.

«·»

Even if Fili doesn't remember their previous times together, his hands clearly do. When kissing no longer feels like enough, Fili slides his hands under Kili's clothes, over his skin, his chest. They end up shirtless, wrapped around each other as they kiss. When Fili rolls his hips against Kili's, it feels so perfectly right. Kili stops questioning how much Fili remembers, stops feeling guilty for missing everything they had, and enjoys what he has now.

By the time they finally collapse onto the bed, they're both naked and utterly spent. They lie on their sides, watching each other, and Fili smiles. "You've wanted that for a while." Kili feels his face heat and Fili laughs softly, adding, "…As have I."

When Kili falls asleep, there's a smile tugging at his lips.

Over the next few days, they grow as entwined in each other as they always were. They act, speak and think in complete synchrony and even Balin notices the change when he comes to visit. He looks between them with a smile and says, "Everything just as it was before, eh laddie?"

Kili only smiles and excuses himself to get more food out of the pantry. He hears Balin talking to Fili out in the sitting room, about how Thorin seems determined to reclaim Erebor, that he is calling for all who are willing to join him.

"He even has a _wizard_ to help him?" Kili asks excitedly as he rejoins them.

Fili begins eating as Balin speaks of Gandalf, and Kili listens in wonder. He's always loved hearing tales of the other parts of Middle Earth and it has always been Balin telling them if Thorin is too busy. It makes Kili feel young all over again as he prods Balin for more details, more stories.

Balin leaves in the evening, promising to let them know when Thorin decides to embark on this quest. When they return inside, Fili raises an eyebrow at Kili. "A quest."

"You cannot tell me that it doesn't sound like fun."

"It sounds dangerous," Fili replies and then, grinning, adds, "and fun."

"When do you think Thorin will call us?"

"We'll just have to wait and see, won't we?" Fili smiles, placing a hand on Kili's shoulder. "It's always nice to see you excited."

"It's an _adventure_ ," Kili says, shaking Fili. "Of course I'm excited. We can prove ourselves to Thorin and show everyone that we're worthy heirs to the line of Durin."

"I don't imagine that we'll able to be so affectionate with each other when we're in an entire company of dwarves."

Kili's brows draw together. He hadn't thought of that. "I suppose not."

"In which case…" Fili smirks, "we'd better take advantage of all the time we have alone now."

Fili leads the way to his bed and Kili follows eagerly. He's desperately missed his brother's touch and now that he has it once again, he cannot get enough. The moment they're naked, their hands are all over each other, trailing down each other's chests, tracing nipples, rubbing them with the pads of their thumbs. Fili kisses him hungrily and Kili moans breathlessly, going pliant as he's pushed down onto the bed. Fili crawls on top of him, kissing up Kili's chest and neck, back to his lips.

"I have oil in my room," Kili whispers. While they've pleasured each other with hands and mouths, it's been far too long since he's had Fili inside him. The closest thing he's had have been his own fingers, back when he'd slept in his own bed. "If I bring it, will you…"

"So, that explains the bottle of oil I found in _my_ drawer, then," Fili grins, reaching to the side of his bed to get it out. He holds the half-used bottle up. "I must admit, it made me very curious when I found it. It did not take long to realise why it was there, but it belonged to the person I was _before_ my fall, not…"

"No," Kili murmurs, sitting up and kissing him. "There's no need to differentiate, Fili. Before or after, you're still _you_. That's all that matters to me."

Fili kisses him hard, passionate and unrelenting, until Kili is lying on his back again. Their cocks are hard, trapped between their bodies. Sliding a hand down, Fili strokes Kili gently before pushing his legs apart.

"I'll be gentle," Fili promises, kissing Kili's shoulder as he picks up the bottle of oil.

"I don't mind if you're not," Kili whispers, and smiles when Fili goes momentarily slack-jawed.

Still, Fili is slow and careful as he slides his slick fingers into Kili, just one at first until Kili is relaxed, then another.

It feels strange to Kili. Before his fall, Fili had known Kili's body like it was his own. He'd known exactly what to do to reduce Kili to a shaking, pleading mess. Fili's touches now are more exploring and experimental, and even though his fingers trail to the same places that Kili loves, it feels more tentative now.

"There," Kili whispers, taking hold of Fili's wrist. "Right there. Harder."

"I should know what you like," Fili mutters, frustrated.

Kili means to speak words of encouragement, but then the fingers inside him curl a little, until they're right where he likes them best. His eyes widen and he lets out a cry of pleasure, utterly incapable of stringing actual words together.

It seems to do the job all the same, because Fili grins. "There?"

Kili arches off the bed when Fili curls his fingers again. He can tell that he's leaking precome, dripping all over himself and making a mess.

" _Oh_." Fili sounds reverent as he looks down at his brother. He runs his fingers through the sticky mess on Kili's stomach and then sucks them clean. He doesn't look away from Kili's eyes once and it's maddening, teasing, and amnesia or no, Fili always seems to know how to make Kili impatient for more.

Pulling Fili down into a messy kiss, Kili bites and sucks at his lips. "I need you inside me, Fili. I need it."

Indulging as always, Fili simply kisses back, withdrawing his fingers slowly. He reaches for the oil again and pours it into his hand before running it along his cock. Kili watches, open-mouthed and hungry, and eagerly spreads his legs when Fili kneels up.

"Have I ever called you beautiful before?" Fili asks in a whisper.

Kili laughs. "Well. You would sometimes call me _elfin_."

Leaning over, Fili kisses his forehead. "Well, now you know what I meant by that."

Kili smiles at that. He's always _known_ , from the look in Fili's eyes that would accompany the word. Beauty is not normally a trait that dwarves value in themselves, but it's different when it's Fili. Most things are.

Fili pushes into him gently and Kili shuts his eyes, shutting out everything in the world except for this. He's missed it; this intimacy with Fili, brushing gentle kisses across Kili's brow like always, their breath suddenly so loud in the small, shared space between their lips.

They wraps their arms and legs around each other until they're entwined, inseparable. Fili thrusts, gentle and experimental at first, but when Kili moans approvingly, they grow harder, faster, until they're clinging to each other, the sheets, anything to anchor them. They pant into each other's mouths, kissing whenever they are still for long enough.

Kili comes without having to be touched, moaning wordlessly as Fili murmurs praise and encouragement. Fili is soon to follow, coming as Kili tightens around him. Barely missing a beat, Fili pulls out and rolls Kili over onto his stomach.

Kili whines when he feels the first broad lick against his entrance, still sensitive. Fili doesn't stop, using both hands to hold him open and kissing, licking, until Kili is a shaking mess.

"Will you come again for me?" Fili murmurs, tracing Kili's entrance with his index. "I know you _can_."

A silent nod is all Fili needs, sliding two fingers back into Kili and moving them just so without even having to pause to think. Kili screams, his entire body trembling in the aftershocks of his orgasm. Fili kisses up his back, along his spine, brushing Kili's black hair aside to kiss the nape of his neck.

"I love you," Fili murmurs, sounding tired. "No matter what happens to either of us. You know that, now."

Kili smiles, finding Fili's hand and holding onto it. "I knew that anyway."

«·»

When Fili's memories return, it's not a big thing.

They're out in the woods near their home, Kili fishing in the stream while Fili walks through the trees, setting traps.

"Kili!" Fili shouts all of a sudden, nearly shocking his brother into dropping his fishing line.

Standing, Kili frowns as he hears Fili running towards him. Fili bursts out between some trees and spins Kili around before pulling him into a hug.

He doesn't need to say anything. The look in his eyes says enough, and the way he's laughing as though all is right with the word. Kili joins in too because right at this moment, everything is. They need to wait for Thorin's word and accompany him on his quest to retake Erebor, but that's for later.

For now, they have each other and that is all they need.


End file.
